SAY NO……….

Adwiti Haffner enjoys Yoga at the beach

Dearest Mothers and all my sweet readers,

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Today let us address saying NO.

Sometime when we say No to others you are actually saying yes to yourself! No is one of the most powerful words that we learn because it is a boundary that we are creating for ourselves and for others to see very clearly.

I would like to say I am a great friend, but when I was younger I was a great friend too but did not realize the meaning of saying no, so I also became best friends with resentment!  
Kindness, politeness and graciousness were and still are a big part of my life and it is still hard for me to say “no” but I learnt the hard way. This story is simply an example, there are many more :).

The incident I remember is when I was in Hong Kong and when it came time to go home to Darjeeling, India my excitement would touch the sky. I would plan for the vacation a year in advance, cross out the days in the calendar and start shopping for everyone back home. I had several well meaning friends who that year decided to send a few presents to their families. Of course I did not refuse any one of them, although I knew I had to pay excess luggage and carry/drag/lift all the baggage myself, I could not say “no” because I never did say no.

In fact I even bought a separate suitcase for the presents sent by my friends.

                                   travel girl
                               

The flight schedule was hectic.  Hong Kong-Mumbai-Kolkotta-Bagdogra and then a few hours by car to Darjeeling. The lay over between the next flight from Mumbai to Kolkata was around  seven hours, not enough time to really get a hotel so most of the times I would spend the night reading at the airport itself. By the time we reached Kolkata a heady mix of exhaustion and excitement more lethal that a dozen Mojitos (I gather) would acutely take over…and by the time I reached Bagdogra which was the last airport on the way home, I lost one of own luggage but not the one with all my friends’ presents . I was thankful that I was able to keep my end of the commitment for my friends but also had a quiet resentment eating me away, for I lost my baggage with my favorite shoes and presents for my loved ones too.

                                    Baggage Claim

This is a small awakening towards perhaps opening up to saying no, to have the courage to say “I just cannot do it.”

Next year, I sneaked away home, without letting any of my friends know. This too did not feel good, because I felt I was deceiving them.

It took me a while to realize that it take GUTS to say no. Why? Because we fear that we will become unpopular. We fear that they will stop liking us, so we keep doing even if it means we are getting unpopular with ourselves. 

Saying “no” really is an act of self love. We are actually respecting our desire and honoring our own feelings. When we say yes when we mean no we are in fact lying to ourselves that causes many conflicts within and without. Integrity within ourselves is important to experience, we are so busy trying to be integral and honorable with other people that we forget to be that for the most important person in our lives-ourselves.

Make a list of things that you are doing where you would rather say “yes” to yourself and “no” to that outer façade of being nice and pretty for others and consider the consequences and the toll it will take on yourself for saying yes to please others.

Here is to you empowering yourself by saying “yes” to you and “no” to others.
With all my love….
My hammock in the back yard. Saying YES to me 🙂
My name is Adwiti Subba Haffner and I am a Life Coach. I teach moms and anyone else (also via Skype sessions) to make that internal leap from where you are to where you want to be in the external world from achieving your most audacious dreams to finding profound success , fulfillment and inner peace. Check out my testimonials and invest in yourself and let us make that leap forward!!
251-609-1251
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©alivewithadwiti LLC

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